Ash Sarkar\u2019s disdain for dating apps<\/a> has been simmering away for the best part of a decade. The journalist and activist had her first foray into the world of online dating<\/a> around 10 years ago, when she entered the online meat market feeling like \u201csomebody\u2019s country cousin who didn\u2019t know the complex city ways\u201d. Her time on the apps was mercifully brief, but she still remembers the immediate takeaway: people here are dismissive and non-committal.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Luckily Sarkar\u2019s pursuit of offline dating was far more fruitful. \u201cI found a man whose self-esteem was low enough that he wanted to marry me,\u201d she laughs. She deleted the apps as easily as she joined them, but she could not escape the degrading state of online dating<\/a>. It lived on in the experiences of friends or the woes of strangers, often submitted to the dilemmas section of her hit podcast, If I Speak, which she hosts alongside journalist Moya Lothian-McLean. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Relationships have been changed by the particular stage of capitalism that we\u2019re in <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n When the Southbank Centre approached Sarkar to deliver the inaugural lecture for their Letters from the Future series (running September 18-20), there was no question over what her topic would be. \u201cIt\u2019s been in my head for a really long time,\u201d she says. \u201cThis idea of how relationships have been changed by the particular stage of capitalism that we\u2019re in, the sense that all of us are immersed in a disembodied, hyper-stimulated digital world and the epidemic of loneliness that people seem to be struggling with.\u201d How much blame, I ask, can be laid at the door of Big Tech? \u201cOh, 90 per cent!\u201d she says, not missing a beat.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Dating apps are the easiest example. \u201cIf me and you decided to go on a date now,\u201d she says, \u201cand I treated you really badly. Let\u2019s say I was insensitive, or I ghosted you. There is something which holds us together.\u201d This \u201csomething\u201d being that Sarkar and I are sitting across from each other, speaking in real life. \u201cA container exists in which there are mutual obligations, and so there can be a degree of trust that I\u2019m not going to be a complete asshole.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Ash Sarkar <\/p>\n Jonathan Ring<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n On dating apps, there are no containers. What happens next, Sarkar reasons, is a sort of prisoner\u2019s dilemma. \u201cThe [typical] prisoner\u2019s dilemma is who\u2019s going to snitch first. But the prisoner\u2019s dilemma of dating apps is who\u2019s going to reject first,\u201d she says. Even the core user interface (UI) of dating apps fosters a level of carelessness. \u201cYou\u2019re throwing faces into the abyss. All these hopeful faces who are just looking for love, and you go, \u2018F*** you\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n It\u2019s well known by now that life on \u201cthe apps\u201d is miserable. Dating app<\/a> developers know this, and they\u2019re scrambling to claw back interest, trust and (more importantly) money from their disheartened users. Usage of the most popular dating apps in the UK has fallen by 24 per cent and Bumble has been forced to fire 30 per cent of its global workforce.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Breeze bans messaging before a date has taken place, while Thursdays limits in-app interactions to a single day of the week<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n To combat messaging fatigue, more and more apps are incorporating in-person meetings. Breeze bans messaging before a date has taken place, while Thursdays limits in-app interactions to a single day of the week. Bumble, once hailed for its \u201cfeminist\u201d UI that only allowed women to message first, recently scrapped the policy following research that found 70 per cent of women felt burnt out by having to initiate conversations. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nFalling out of love with apps<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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