Christmas is upon us, but there is still a small amount of time left to get a last-minute gift for your atheist, anti-vax uncle and his 20-year-old girlfriend.
As anyone who is familiar with HBO’s smarmiest centrist knows well, Real Time host Bill Maher considers himself to be above all the dogma, superstition and hokum of organized religion. To brainiacs like Bill, Christmas is yet another reminder that the majority of the country centers their lives around some imaginary, bearded, sandal-wearing hippie in the clouds – but even a Jewish-born non-believer like Maher can appreciate that there is some value in a cultural celebration of family, merriment and gift-giving.
For this Atheistmas, the loved ones of Maher maniacs everywhere had more options than ever when it came to selecting the perfect stocking-stuffer for the smug stoner in their life, thanks to the abundance of probably-not-licensed, Maher-themed drop-shipping slop on the internet. Here’s all our favorite plastic crap bearing Maher’s likeness that some lucky Real Time fan might find under their Science Bush this Thursday morning:
The Billowcase
For just $22 (or four payments of $5.50 with Sezzle), this Bill Maher pillowcase, pillow not included, could be yours or your loved one’s. After imbibing on eggnog and taking a few hits from the “Mexican mistletoe,” Real Time fans may soon find themselves in need of a Christmas nap, and what better way to pass out than face-to-face with the anti-woke king?
RamBill: First Mug
Yes, I know, the art on this $18.89 coffee mug actually depicts Maher as The Comedian from the beloved graphic novel The Watchmen, not as John Rambo. However, just as Maher will stare disapprovingly at his audience until they laugh at his jokes, so, too, will I shoehorn in a pun without regard for its reception.
“Why the Long Bill?”
This $23.99 entry is for the more artsy-fartsy Maher fans, and it almost makes him appear more modest and self-deprecating than we know him to be. Hopefully, the real Maher and his regularly shaped head can take a joke, seeing as he’s probably not taking any royalties from this caricature t-shirt.
Mahermorabilia
At $185, this signed, smoldering photo of Bill is certainly the top-of-the-top-shelf option on this list, but, if you have even deeper pockets than Bill the Thrill over here, you can give your favorite Real Time fan a piece of Maher history. The only way this picture could get any better is if it came with a strand of that heavenly chest hair.
Bill Mahervel
Our overall pick for any Maher fan, this Marvel/DC-style action figure is the absolutely perfect Christmas present, because it’s the gift that keeps on giving. For just $60, you can give one imaginative Real Time fan hundreds of hours of entertainment as they set up their perfect fantasy panels with this toy – just imagine Bill debating Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne on the topic of transgender athletes or some hack shit like that.
