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From ‘I hope you’re well’ to ‘happy Friday!’ navigating the modern office inbox can feel like a minefield. There are unspoken rules around everything.
But there is one phrase in particular which seems to be getting professionals riled up.
‘Friendly reminder.’
Software company ZeroBounce analysed more than 1.6million real emails to find out which phrases professionals use most to apologise and soften communication, and ‘friendly reminder’ is top of the list.
It seems harmless, and universally used, but it may actually be rubbing your colleagues up the wrong way. Because let’s be honest, is it actually friendly? Or is it your colleague chasing you up when you are already stressed?
Strategic communications and transformation advisor Natalie Sutton tells Metro: ‘Professionals use it because they’re trying to be polite while also being direct, but it achieves neither. It signals urgency while pretending not to, which is confusing and faintly irritating to the reader.’
Liz Sebag-Montefiore, a CEO and HR expert, believes the phrase has become so overused in professional communication that ‘people often focus more on the implied criticism than the actual message’.
‘The problem is that “friendly reminder” often isn’t perceived as friendly at all. In many cases, the recipient hears, “I’m chasing you again” or “you’ve failed to do something”, which can trigger defensiveness rather than cooperation.’
What do professionals think?
On Reddit, people had strong opinions.
Summerisle7 calls it ‘passive-aggressive’, while Sinlightion calls the phrase ‘incredibly condescending’ and recommends that ‘your opinion may be better received if you just state it politely without this cloying set-up’.
Similarly, SunshineGirl45 says ‘it sounds like your chastising a child and it pisses me off.’
Maleficent-Talk6831 said: ‘I sense that the person could be passive aggressive, or trying to grandstand and peacock their knowledge. Both traits I dislike, immensely. If you call anyone out for saying the phrase, you’ll either be wrong about their intentions, or you’ll be right and they’ll gaslight you. Either way, you lose a battle that was unwinnable in the first place. You’ll be left feeling more triggered than before.’
Group ‘friendly’ reminders seemed to irritate professionals more, as people feel called out in front of others.
‘Nothing worse than seeing a work email with a “friendly reminder” addressed to the whole team and you know you’re the reason for the email,’ one person quipped.
A few people did insist on good intentions though. Plenkr noted that they use it as ‘a preemptive to avoid conflict’, explaining: ‘Because ‘I’m autistic, I try to go out of my way to clarify my intention and mood in tricky online conversations because I’m scared.’
So, what phrase is a better alternative?
Instead of using ‘friendly reminder’ Natalie reccomends that you be more direct.
‘Could you confirm by Friday?’
‘Wanted to make sure this didn’t get buried’
These alternatives land far better as they are ‘specific, respectful of the other person’s time, and doesn’t have that slightly schoolteacher tone that ‘friendly reminder’ carries.’
Similarly, Petra Wilton, director of policy and external affairs at the Chartered Management Institute, recommends these:
‘Just checking in on this’
‘When you have a moment, could you update me?’
Overall, experts lean more heavily towards just being direct, keeping it clear and concise, and refraining from terms that can come across as patronising.
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