Allow me to set a scene. Last night, I’m a worrying angle of horizontal on my couch, the Japan vs The Netherlands World Cup game is on my TV. I’ve got an ice cold Modelo in my hands, the king of all small beers, my flatmates and I are chomping our way through an overpriced bag of organic tortilla chips. My eyes are twitching.
The first part of that scene was normal. Lovely, even. Invited! Wanted! More Modelos! The last part was because I didn’t realise the Dutch football team had invented a shade of orange brighter than the sun. Each player looked like a tiny heat map of themselves. Like the Dutch team, post a visit to Chernobyl, where they had been launched directly into the Elephant’s Foot.
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At first, I thought it might have been my TV. I flipped over to my settings and switched things around to ‘Dynamic’ instead of ‘Standard,’ thinking that would fix things. Silly me! Instead, it only confirmed what I already thought: their kit is just really, extremely, ridiculously bright.
Maja Hitij – FIFA/Getty Images
As I watched Virgil Van Dijk lob one into the net, my eyes were near watering. In some long-shots, as the players flew across the screen, the kit was so neon you could barely read the names on the back, the brightness of the orange creating an almost blurring effect. In contrast, Japan’s classic blue was crisp and soothing. Every non-Dutch camera shot was like a splash of eye drops for my retinas.
On my laptop screen just now, the orange seems normal enough. Enough that I kind of feel like I’m gaslighting you. And, to be honest, maybe I’d be doubting myself if I didn’t have threads of groupchats from my friends with some variation of: ‘Are the Dutch uniforms really bright or have I developed some sort of serious eye condition? Should I go to the hospital? Someone tell my mother I love her’.
Thankfully, the Internet agrees with me – something it rarely does. “Dutch kit is just too bright,” says Carl, with great brevity. Another wrote, “This shade of Netherlands kit is a level of orange I’ve never seen before. This s*** ain’t orange. They made a new colour.”
Maybe the Netherlands didn’t camera-test their kits. Happens to the best of us. Or maybe it’s some sort of new warfare technique to blind spectators and the VAR. Either way I’ll be watching the next match with sunglasses on (and a Modelo).
